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The Semi-Regular Newsletter


America, December 29, 2003

What Will Never Be

My Dad is at peace now

You are my hero
We love you, Dad

Dad, why did you have to die so quickly? Didn't you know you were supposed to live long enough to see the next generation? Yeah, that's right, Dad, one day I was going to have kids, little rug rats running around the house, spilling and spitting, and making me proud.

And I wanted you to be there.

I wanted you to see 'em Dad. To have pride in your son, in your grandkids. I wanted you to tell them the stories I heard growing up. About Afghanistan, about Mexico, about India, about all the people, places, things that you and Mom did.

And its not like Mom will not be there, but you know you were to storyteller. She was the fact checker, correcting your dates & places, but you had the gift.

It was your voice, your cadence, and your spirit that gave the stories life. It was you Dad that taught me how to weave a tale. Its you that I copy when I'm on stage. Its you that I try to capture as I write this. Its you Dad and now you are gone.

I see you now only in my dreams. Hell, I'm trying so hard to remember your voice, your image, your presence, and yet you're fading Dad. You're fading a little bit here and there every day. I fear it, Dad, I fear the moment I realize I can't remember you anymore. I know it will happen, and yet I fear it so.

That's when I will fully realize how transient we are on this Earth. That no matter how much I write, how many I make laugh, or where I go, it's all temporary. That none of us, or even our effect or our memory lasts forever.

You're gone Dad and I didn't get a chance to make your memory permanent. Do you know I don't have a single recording of your voice? Not one video clip of your moves? Or how much I would give, at this instant, to have even one of your annoying 'I just wanted to tell you that I love you' voicemail messages?

I miss you Dad.

Why did you have to leave? Why did you have to die? And why on earth did you shave your head just before doing so? You had such a great lock of white hair. Hell, I only wish I'll get some of that before all mine recedes.

Now I have to face my bed again. The one I can't sleep in since your passing. Or I can sleep in it, but only if I'm too exhausted or drunk to stay awake. Otherwise, it's like tonight, where I am awake at 3:11 am, thinking about you, about me, and about life.

Let me sleep Dad, let me close my eyes. Then do what you do best, tell me more stories. I wanna hear again about the India to Pakistan border crossing. The guy in Formentera who moved the rock with a stick. How the 'Bit O Sole' made it into a movie. How you and Mom styled for a decade across the world.

Tell me Dad, I'm listening. In between the tears, I am listening. I am, I swear.

America, December 22, 2003

Twentieth Century Motion

Twentieth Century Motion Dad in 20th Century Motion Twentieth Century MotionBy Carl VotaFord pick-up, Exit 11A,trees, trees, treesGreen, yellow, pinkBright yellow flowers.Signs advertisingElectric transfer station.Concrete bridges, concrete veins.Tension, relief,Always wonderment.Bad drivers, ha-ha,Always drive me nuts!All right, passed that one.Wonder if he feels the same about me?Oh, well.Man, are the semis...

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America, December 20, 2003

Eulogy for Carlos Vota

My Dad is at peace now Hello everyone. I'm Wayan, and like my father, I'm a little shy up here on stage.Now I wanted to tell a story today because that's what Dad loved to do. We've all heard them, and we all loved his tales of amazing adventures in...

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America, December 18, 2003

Press Journal Obituaries

In Memory Of Carlos Vota Carlos Vota, Vero Beach Carlos "Carl" E. Vota, 64, of Vero Beach, died Dec. 16, 2003, at Indian River Memorial Hospital, Vero Beach, after a brief illness. He was born May 4, 1939, in Santa Barbara Chihuahua, Mexico, and moved to Vero Beach in 1977...

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America, December 16, 2003

Goodbye Dad

My Dad is at peace now I love you, Dad Tonight I held my Dad's hand. I held it tight while he struggled to breathe, even with the oxygen and morphine. I held it tight while the nurses came in and out to check on him. I held it tight...

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America, December 8, 2003

A Few Observations About Ice

Ice is not always in drinks Nice backdrop, eh? A few observations about ice: - it can be very hard - it can be very dry - it can be very smooth - it can be very rough - it can be very hard I note these observations as I...

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America, December 1, 2003

Car America

Varoom! There went quality of life! A sea of red Here I am, sitting in six lanes of traffic, six lanes of cars idling, with another six lanes idling across the way. Now add in the other twelve lanes that are actually moving, and I am in awe at the...

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America, November 24, 2003

Overqualified and Unemployed

What is work really? Me and my self Now there are few joys in life than being told you're smart, ambitious, and organized. That is unless you're told all those great things as a way to frame the most hated comment in all the work-world: 'You're overqualified for this position.'These...

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America, November 19, 2003

I'm in the Wall Street Journal

I'm an Expert at More Than Just Traveling GETTING THE PERFECT SHOT Tip Why Get close Too many shots show people so far away that you can barely tell what color hair they have. Post many photos One shot can't capture every side of you. One Colorado mom posted fancy...

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America, November 17, 2003

Life is a Terminal Disease

Lung Cacner is a real bitch! Be strong, kids One day we must all die, for like the Oracle in Matrix Revolutions says, what has a beginning, has an end. Most of us ignore this little fact until we have to face it directly, and for some it's a millisecond...

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America, November 10, 2003

Yep, I'm From the South

I haven't seen you in a coon's age! An airboat Jai Lai Vero's Beach South Florida that is, which is a unique subculture of Americana. Only here can you see a Ford pick-up truck pulling an airboat, a riced-out Honda with surfboards on the roof, a rusted out Chevy van...

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America, October 31, 2003

Boo! It's a Blind Man

You Go Girls! Get those Pradas clacking down 17th! Glorious! Gorgeous! God Damn! Now there's only one-way to start the weeklong Halloween festivity: that's with drag queens. And I'm not talking just any kinda queen; I'm talking the hardcore drag queens that come out once a year for the annual...

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America, October 24, 2003

America Wake Up!

Lina has something to say C'mon smile, Lina My Thoughts on 10.24.03 @ 10:00 amBy Lina"How's it going Lina?""Oh, just fantastic, I'm fantastic"she said cheerfully.ah, the things you can't many things whirlingwhirling, whirlingin my headwhat am i doing here?what am i DOING?what am i?is this what i want the...

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America, September 21, 2003

Dyke Day at RFK

More lesbians than Takoma Park Now you understand... ...why I watch too. I'm here watching the 2003 FIFA Women's World Cup at RFK stadium in Washington DC and Team America is kicking butt. They lead Sweden 3 to 1 and there isn't much time left. The crowd is on its...

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America, September 8, 2003

It's Official: I'm Single Again

A good day to divorce Cheers to Divorce Court! The Reverends were first. Her, the bossy one, place checking with the judge's assistant just to show how DC she could be, and him, slouched with the look of amused indifference as the Divorce Court judge called the room to order.While...

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America, September 1, 2003

It Is That Time of Year Again!

I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go! Alice is here to help Now that Labor Day has past, the heat is gone, and the kids are back in school it can mean only two things: the summer is over and I need to get a job.Yes, it's...

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America, August 18, 2003

Saying Farewell in Flushing

You better speak Chinese in Queens Even the kids are impressed. As it's all Chinese. And Jingmei is happy too It could've been a street corner in Beijing or Shanghai, what with all the squinty-eyed folks running around with their fresh produce while hawkers shouted out in Mandarin Chinese. But...

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America, August 11, 2003

The World Wide Headache

I'm not as good with HTML as you are lead to believe It's all under construction... ...and backed up for miles. The Web is so much fun, and since I've been writing on it since 1997, which is ancient history in Web-time, I've kinda grown up with it in my...

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America, August 4, 2003

How to Get a Rock Star to Drink a Smoothie

You might call it star fucking So the thingamajig goes there? Look Mom! I'm the smiling head in the background! Somehow, way back in July of last year, when I was hanging out with Claudette in San Francisco, getting my, re-activization, I introduced her to the new fangled idea of...

America, July 28, 2003

Ren's Wedding in the Glen

Ren sure can make a cool bride Ain't she pretty! Well you go girl!You go and get yourself married to one hunk of man. A man who's so damn cool, he builds low rider bikes from scratch. A man who's so handy, he can change out a car engine on...

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America, July 23, 2003

It's Official: I am the Cooler, Older Cousin

I am so cooler than you! We partied all night And Dad wasn't happy Way back when I was twelve or thirteen, I had a cooler, older cousin. Ann Renne, or just Ren as she preferred to be known, was my idol. She introduced me to all that was cool...

America, July 21, 2003

Ann is Swank in Squirrel Hills

Its Party Time in P-Burgh Calm in Daylight Wild at Night Once upon a time, I lived in Moscow and hung out with a Joe-cool girl who at times was a friend, a housemate, and a hero. Now she lives in Pittsburgh, and until recently, I was scared about this...

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America, July 14, 2003

The Party Scene of Screen on the Green

We all screem for Screen on the Green Nice backdrop, eh? Its summertime in DC again, and that can only mean one thing: the start of this year's Screen on the Green performances. Sponsored by big companies, but done with style and grace only found here, classic movies are shown...

America, May 19, 2003

DC is United for DC United

We all scream 'goal!' whenever we can Learning my cheers Now that's dedication Surprisingly for an American man, I am not interesting in sports. I have no clue who is winning the basketball championships and I couldn't name the last Superbowl winners if my life depended on it. When it...

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America, May 12, 2003

It's a Beach Wednesday!

Whatcha doing at work? Packed in the day Pink in the night Coming back from Africa, I was tan, and I mean African sun tan. My stop-off in Florida was filled with even more sun, so by the time I got back to DC, I was so tan as to...

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America, May 5, 2003

I'll Pay to Hear Nixon

Nixon was a crook! Was he a crook? Or a superstar? Or just misunderstood? So many times I've heard people bitch about the taxes we pay in America, even in these times of billion dollar tax cuts and trillion dollar deficits. The usual refrain is that we pay way too...

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America, April 28, 2003

My Summer of Semi-Slacking

I love me that government cheeze! He's helping me look cuz so po' I'm monochrome and this be my home Now just because I spent the last three months in Africa, don't go thinking I'm gonna rush back into the job market just yet. No, this is shaping up to...

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America, April 21, 2003

Styling Naturally in New Orleans

NOLA rocks, black, white, or purple Yeah, we be styling! my dream: spankings for all! Congrats Dr. Timothy and Toya Shepherd! Okay, so I am back in the USA for just over a week, and so far I've driven around 2,000 miles, in two long jaunts. Once from Vero Beach,...

America, January 13, 2003

T Minus 24 Hours and Counting

I'm always nervous before a trip I love that Typhoid shot! now, did I forget anything? I've made my list and I've checked it twice. Or maybe three times. Or four. I've packed my gear, and repacked it, and then packed it once more. I've tried to think of everything,...

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America, January 6, 2003

The Horror! The Horror!

take my gun before my cell phone! the good old daze Sometime today, during my 25-mile bike ride and 5-mile run across sunny Vero Beach, my social life took a massive dive. Now I didn't get arrested naked in a park or abducted by aliens, it's worse, I lost my...

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