America, July 1, 2005
Because I sure don't wanna be a Ben, even if he is cooler than me
Okay folks at Front Page, just who do you think I am? I know I was drunk when I left on Friday night, those six or eight Coronas kicking in hard, but I was a nice guy. I tipped you well, I kept to my crew, I even stopped one guy before vodka shock stepped in.
So then, why did you mistake me for someone else? How could you think I am not who I say I am? When did you change my identity? I am me, and I am the same me for more than 29 years, and I'm happy with who I say I am.
I have no need to change, no want to be different, no desire to modify. So again, Front Page, just who do you think I am?
And why the hell am I him? What does he have that I don't? Why is he so special? You can't answer that can you? You have no clue, eh? Then why, pray tell, did you hand me his credit card by mistake? You giving me a hint? Saying I should be him, or just spend his money?
You're lucky Front Page, lucky I'm a swift guy (when sober) as I was about to fly a bit on dear Ben. Out to Vegas I'm headed, and he was gonna be in for a shock. Don't know about Ben, but most wouldn't be happy with what I do to credit cards in Sin City. And me, I'm not happy with what you did with mine.
Ben, wanna trade?