Russia, July 12, 1999
Manly Russian Men
Why do you think all the Russian women want American husbands?
There
is a Peace Corps joke about the difference between the Russian men and women.
When (not if) the male PCV's would run out of the dozen condoms
that the Peace Corps issued to us, they could simply ask the nearest female
PCV for her unopened pack. After hearing that joke, I asked the female
PCV's if it was true. To a woman, yes.
After two years in Russia, I have yet to know more than a handful of expat women who have Russian boyfriends or husbands, but I know way to many expat men with beautiful, painfully young, Russian women. Why is this?
Russian men, in general, are the ultimate frat boy, without even the facade
of culture most American frat boys at least try to project. Russian
men enjoy themselves, drinking with their friends long into the night, ignoring
their women, unless they are hungry or the dishes are dirty. Many cheat
and/or beat on their wives, treating them like they should be happy they
have a man at all. The strange thing is, the women are happy just
to have a man, for men are rare here.
After the revolution, World War II, Stalin, and the KGB, Russia has a serious male/female imbalance. I do not know the exact ratio, but I have heard anywhere from 45/55 to 35/65 as the male to female ratio over the past 100 years. Men are in an enviable position, there are more women than men, so they can be jerks and still have a line of women waiting for them.
The imbalance, and resulting attitude, shocks the expat women here. They are used to men like myself, who prostrate ourselves to please them, not the Russian men who laugh when they ask why the man needs to drink with his friends every night of the week. Most expat women try to date a Russian man, but usually only once. After that experience, they resign themselves to celibacy, as the least painful route.
The
imbalance also affects the male style here. The men dress like men
all over the world would if they could. Black shirt, pants, shoes,
and coat (so it will not show the dirt of a week with a wash), all day, every
day. The same suit and tie for a week straight, with only a clean
shirt ever other day. Bad hair as a rule, and I mean not touched by
a comb in 48 hours bad hair! Just plain uncaring. I am amazed
that they are let out of the house they dress so bad some days!
Of course this is a generalization of Russian men. I know some gentlemen, like Sasha and Dima, and even one man who's wardrobe I envy, Andrey, but I am hard pressed to find a Russian man who I would call a role model for the next generation. Russian men are frat boys because they can be, and to an extent, I am jealous.
8 Comments
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This comment upon Russian men is highly exaggerated!I am a Russian male living in the US now and I would have to say that Russian men know how to treat ladies a lot better that a lot of Americans do.The author must have either hung out around "the wrong" group or just gotten the wrong impression overall.Yes, there are men in Russia like he described, but that is just a small percentage of them.And all Russian women willing to marry Americans - give me a break, not all of them want it, actually not a lot of them either, for those who do it is a ticket to America where they obviously want to go.And the whole thing about guys being able to pull off partying like frat-boys, neglecting their women and still have them begging for relationship is a bunch of nonsense!Russian ladies(I hope you learnt it while you were there) have a lot of self-respect and dignity and will be very picky when it comes to a man.Just his habit of drinking will turn her off and bury his chances right there...Most Russian men are gentlemen and it is not just a country of alcoholics.I see enough of drinking going on here in America, too...And girls here in America love the way Russian men treat them(most of them), things like letting a girl in first, buying flowers, etc. are a habit for a common Russian in a realationship, which you cannot say about a lot of Americans...
Ha ha, I was laughing when I read Dimas comment. I am writing a Moscow Blog and each time I dare to write something half way negative about Russian culture or the people I get comments like this. Its a regular, well at least Dima was not threatening to come by your house and beat you up, which happened to me a few times. Russians are highly nationalistic or as they call it patriotic. I think they have a complex based on the history and the undervalued position their country is in right now (not being a super power and being depended on the West. Oh yes, I can hear the outcry of them already, when I write this).
About Russian men. I think you are right. I would have not written it so blunt, but you are right. You'll have to look deeper though, to understand why it is like this. I think (my personal opinion), because Russian women are so controlling at home. At least they try hard to make your life miserable on a 24h basis. Don't do this, don't do that. Buy me this, make me happy. I had girlfriends in the US, from Italy, Switzerland, Germany, Korea, Jamaica, Trinidad and elsewhere and none of them was as demanding and difficult as my Russian one. Sure you'd say it is an exception, only one among many, but I see that with many of my friend's girls and even the mothers of them here in Moscow. It's a Russian thing. Russian women think men are little kids and they need to control them. I admire the patience Russian men have and I guess it's their way of dealing with this misery. It's a cultural thing.
two-zero, why you say russian men are bad? i'm a foreign woman who's with a russian man, and he drinks little, he's honest, caring, cheerful, and respects me, so how can you say they're so bad? i've met his parents, and tehy're nice too, for the most part. (his mother would've preferred him to be with a russian girl, but his father adores me, and i think he's cool.Actually, next to my russian bf and my own father, i love him more than anything else in the world too.:) so, how can you say russian men are so bad? as for russian wome, i do have to agree with you, for most of them whom i've met are so cold. they also try to get foreign men to buy them a lot of stuff. i've met some nice ones, but i've met more cold and tough ones than gentle and warm ones. as a woman, i don't think you should be cold and ruthless. you should be calm, caring, sweet and lady-like. as for my russian bf, do you think i should stop dating him, based on what you're saying? he's nice, and i love him, so why you say russian men are bad?
can any russian men or women give me advice on this, and how i should treat him? thanks.
I have been to Russia four times and i think most Russian men are lazy ,drukards who think they are "tough" guys when they beat on women which is a common thing in Russia ,when it comes to defending their homeland they have no courage ,my grandfather who was in the Finnish army and fought against the Russians in WW2 said they had no will to fight and were easy to pick off because they were bad fighters ,which is why they can't even beat the Chechnyans ?
Russian men are a dying breed ,their average lifespan is 57-58 years ,because they drink too much ,smoke a pack or two a day ,eat unhealthy foods ,and don't ever exercise because of their general laziness which is a national pastime .
Russian women are wonderful and i think they deserve better than these parasites which is the Russian man .
By the way i have personal experience with fighting or almost fighting a Russian man in Novosibirsk an ex-boyfriend of one my friends tried strongarm her ,when i interfered and told him to him to f-off then he wanted to fight me ,i said ok and told him i have been in Taw kwan do for three years ,the big dumb Russian neandrathal who is slow tried to rush me ,thinking he could overtake me so i grabbed his left hand and twisted his wrist extending his arm and put my thumb in the middle of his hand which is very painful twisting his wrist ,he was crying like a baby and asked me to let him go ,i could have snapped his wrist very easily ,which would have been nice to see because he is a scumbag ,but after torturing him for a minute so he knew what pain felt like, i was merciful and let him go ,he cluctched his wrist and ran away and when he got a good distance he muttered some English swear words at me ,yeah real tough guy huh ?Typical Russian man for you they are cowards ..Looks like i carry on my grandfather's tradition of kicking some Russian ass ?
Russians shouldn't mess with Finns or Chechnyans we will beat you every time .
jakko, can you give me any adive on russian men? i want to marry him, he's so sweet, kind, open-minded, loving, but i hear about all these russian scams, and i'm scared. can you help me? i want to cook for him, clean for him, have kids with him, and stay home and take care of him when i'm not working. do they like that? are russian men romantic and gentle with women? i'm of asian background, and i want a sweet, gentle man. can you advise me on russian men?
I'm an american woman who is seeing a russian guy. He is nothing like american guys. he's the best thing that ever came into my life. He is a gentleman, romantic, sweet, loving, caring. The only thing I don't understand is he never sys he's sorry. (must be a man thing) He breaks up over the littlest things. He said I put voodoo on his computer once and he stayed on that subject for an hour. He didn't laugh or smile or tell me he was just joking...so I told him to leave his computer at home next time and then the next thing I know he's breaking up with me. Then he gets back together with me and then breaks up again. over little stuff. what are russian men scared of. I can't get him to talk about his feelings at all. Its as if an emotion other than happiness can't exist in the relationship or its over? We're imperfect, we're going to have more than just one emotion. I love him more than life but I wish I could understand that part of him.